oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
