his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
