Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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