think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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