Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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