She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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