Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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