That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i now understand why vodka
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
