i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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