well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
