It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
