When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
