Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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