I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
