i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
