so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
