Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
