1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
