I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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