Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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