Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
