ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
