I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
