Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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