Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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