She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
