He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
