I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
