If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
