We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
