Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
