2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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