just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
