It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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