you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize