I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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