I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize