Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
