People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
