Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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