My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
