ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
as a side note pls kill me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
