trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
