I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
