do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
