I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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