piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
