Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
