The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
