ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
