Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You are the jesus of drinking
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
