Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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