Soap is not a condiment
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
