i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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