last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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