I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
