I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
