Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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