So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
