don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
