oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
