Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
