to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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