I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
