I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
