Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
