i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
