she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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