You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
