At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
please don't ironically join a cult
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