you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
