chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
