I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
