I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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