are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
