you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
