shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
