gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
