So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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