Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
