That's when you crack a 10am beer
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
