A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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