Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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