This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
