dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You can't special order awesome
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
