you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
