the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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