I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
