Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
