what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
FUCK WHALES
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
