u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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