O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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