I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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