i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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