I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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