Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
