masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
