I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
