these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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