Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
