Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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