Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
