Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
