She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
