idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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