i was born a porn star she said
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
