I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
