my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
