well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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