first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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