I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
two words...techno handjob
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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